Because poetry at midnight is always a good idea...

A lover. A deep feeler. An aware soul.

A lover whose love has often not been received. A deep feeler, who often gets lost in her own depths and is found with treasure few have understood. An aware soul, whose awareness has caused an unquenchable ache.

Why, O Lord, does pain demand to be felt? The ache of the awareness that this world is not what you intended leaves us feeling empty and battered. Fully alive in the worst way. As the haunt of tears stings the eyes – another slash to the soul. A heaviness, too great to bear, too attached to remove.

And yet, a whisper in the dark night of the soul. The smallest of sparks. So faint, yet on the backdrop of dark silence, it demands to be heard. So brief, yet in the surrounding depths, it is all that exists. The whisper of a word. The Word. The only Word who brings light and hope to an unending darkness and an unquenchable ache.

This Word -- the inventor of depth, the innovator of the soul. This Word, who has trenched deeper into the depths and further into the darkness than I will ever need endure.

But the darkness could not overcome this Word.

In His victory over it, He comes to me and whispers, “See, my beloved, in whom I delight….I am making all things new.”

Oh, to see the day when the Word made Flesh will wipe every tear, and remove every sin, and we will be made new, completed, whole…to dwell with Him forever.

For those with me on the journey...

My Dear Friends and Supporters,

            Well, it has been about two months since my return from Africa – months filled with much processing and transition – and I wanted to write and give you an update on what God has been doing in my life since January.

            My trip was incredibly life giving, and I am thankful beyond words for your support, which enabled me to experience life in a new and transforming way. I hope you had a chance to read my blog while I was gone, but if you didn’t, the address is julielynnebehal.blogspot.com, and has some more details about things I was involved in, and things I was learning while in Tanzania.

            One of my biggest questions before leaving was “Is it possible to have joy in my relationship with God?” Of course, I knew the right answer was yes, but I was at a place in life where I didn’t believe it to be true. By God’s grace, he had to strip away all the things I was clinging to, halfway across the world, in order to show me more of himself. And He proved Himself to be faithful once again. Seeing the joy in the faces and hearts of the Orphans at City of Hope in spite of their poverty and their incredibly difficult circumstances was just one of the things God used to break my ungrateful spirit and show me the joy and the life I can have in Him.

            Another question I was struggling with before I left was concerning which direction God was leading me as far as missions and ministry. The trajectory of my life has always been pointed toward full time, vocational ministry. However, in the past few years, God has opened my eyes to see that ministry is not just a vocation, it is a lifestyle. Every encounter we have is an opportunity to love someone well through the grace of Jesus Christ. However, this realization opened up a world of options to fulfill what the Lord has placed on my heart.  

Experiencing full time mission work first hand, and having countless conversations with missionaries and those more involved in secular work led me to much more clarity in this area.  I feel confident in God’s leading me (for now) toward ministry through a job in the secular world. An option I am praying about and considering is going to cosmetology school. Since returning to Africa, I have gotten a new job at a hair salon, and I see the interactions between the stylists and their clients. It is all about building relationships and having conversations. I think the Lord has gifted me in these two areas, and I am excited to see how he could use me in this environment to lead others to His feet, for His glory.

My time in Africa will always be a very important part of the work God is doing in my life. I am more blessed than I can say to have people who love me well and are faithful to the Lord in enabling His work to happen. As I enter into this new phase of life, I am overcome by His faithfulness to provide and redeem, and overwhelmed by the joy He has shown me IS possible through life with Him. Thank you so much for joining me in this process! If anyone would like to hear more about my trip or about what God has been doing in me, I would love to get together and talk about it more!

By His grace and in His joy,

Julie Behal